My First Ramadaan!

Salaam aleikum dear readers! It has once again been a long time since I last wrote, and I am so happy to be typing away once more! I missed writing so much… I had planned to write about my first Ramadaan as a new Muslim, ever since it approached, and, masha’Allah, now I can get down to it at last, as I take a break staying with my parents.

How exciting it was to anticipate this blessed month! All these questions ran through my mind: Would I cope with the fasting? Would it be too difficult? How would Taraweeh prayers be like to experience? What would I feel on Laylatul Qadr – and would I find it amongst the last ten nights? The answers proved to be surprising; I learned so much in Ramadaan…

As the end of the month of Sha’ban drew to a close, excitement built up at the halfway Home where I stayed. The radio was tuned to the Muslim station and we waited for the announcement of the moon-sighters. The evening was clear, so there was a good chance we would fast on the next day, Monday the 1^st August. As the sun set, I tried my hand at spotting the thin crescent in the blue-yellow light. And to my utmost amazement – as I never expected to see it so soon –  there it was; a hairline crack in the sky of a smiling crescent! I rushed to tell the other housemates: “I saw the moon, I saw the moon!” They squinted and said: “Where? I don’t see it!” After a time as the sky grew darker, they also saw it above the roof of the outhouse.

That evening, I tried doing twenty rakats of Taraweeh by myself in the (unfortunately not-very-used) salaah room at the Home. It was exhausting, but I was enthusiastic. After that, I slacked off, due to wanting to concentrate on keeping my energy for the fast. I also thought it was so much better to do with others in the mosque. Unfortunately I only had the opportunity to go once in Ramadaan to the Taraweeh prayers at mosque, and even then the prayers at that mosque were done so speedily that it was like a sprinting race! Nevertheless, the feeling of being in congregation was awesome!

The first day of fasting was the hardest. This was because I did not eat my usual “low GI” sehri (pre-dawn meal) which usually consists of two slices of wholemeal seed loaf or a bowl of oats, along with two cups of water, raisins and a fruit. (I had made some sunnah fasts before Ramadaan to practice, and found it quite manageable if I ate properly in the morning.) Instead, I had white bread (or something close to it!) and coffee. By the afternoon, what a headache I got! The next day, I managed to get some oats, which I had every morning from then. The headaches never returned. In fact, I had more headaches in the morning from tension and sinus, and by the afternoon, I was feeling WONDERFUL.

The best part of the fasting day for me, was the afternoon after 2:30pm or so. By then, my hunger pangs switched off and the feeling of lightness made me feel like I would fly whilst doing salaah. It was awesome, because prayer felt effortless. I grew addicted to it, and made a habit to do extra sunnah salaahs – partly because I had to keep my mind busy to not think of lunch! J I loved doing Salaatul Duhaa in the midmorning, and began to make a habit of something which I had always wanted to do ever since becoming Muslim – Tahajjud salaah in the night. I found that waking up an half hour earlier was enough. If sehri was at 5am, I would rise at 4:30. And as Ramadaan ended, I would rise a half-hour before Fajr. What a lovely time to pray – the house is quiet; the blanket of night thick, and the silence tangible. I grew to love Tahajjud and Fajr more than any other Salaah times.

I decided that, as Ramadaan would be 30 days this year, and there are 30 parts (Juz) to the Qur’an, I would read one per day in the English translation. I was blessed as I completed my third English reading of the meaning of the Qur’an this Ramadaan. I used to start reading after Isha, and complete any remaining section of the Juz the next morning after Fajr. I also used to practice my Arabic recitation as well, and made some progress in my reading of Arabic, sitting and slowly working my way through Surahs Yaseen, Mulk, Waaqiah or Sajdah, reading 15 ayahs or so at a time.

Then on the 18^th of Ramadaan, things changed drastically – I fell out when I got my hayd. And when I get it, it is a big deal, because it usually lasts a long 11 days. How I missed the fasting, the salaah, and the Qur’anic reciting! I realised how important these practices are in a believer’s life. As I couldn’t do them now,  I increased my thikr, having my tasbih beads in my hand often. Laa illaha illallah… Muhammadur Rasullullah… Subhanallahi wal hamdulillahi wa la illaha illalah wa allahu akbar… Nevertheless, after a week, the void of no salaah got to me and I began to almost forget it was Ramadaan, not being able to fast. But one thing kept me reminded…

It was the second part of Ramadaan for me, when I learnt completely different lessons – that of the amazing generosity and charity of my fellow Muslims. Being in a Home for the destitute, many came with Eid gifts for us, especially the children. I was overwhelmed with all the generosity I encountered… never was I so overwhelmed with generosity as when I became Muslim, but now it was incresed tenfold. Strangers coming to give us things, well-off friends buying me so much things, been taken on a shopping spree, receiving money gifts to start me off in a new life… Subhan’Allah; I was speechless…

Two days before Eid, purified and having resumed salaah, I was able to fast again. One blessed day of yet another fast on the 29^th day, then I learned abother lesson – that of the importance of intentions above all actions. I fell ill with terrible sinusitus and was forced to give up my last day of fasting before Eid. Sigh! I was not very happy about it, but then I was reminded that it was my intention that counted more with Allah Ta’ala, than my actual fast, so I could still get rewarded for good intentions. 12 days I would need to catch up, but 12 days of good intentions and yearnings to please Allah.

So, as I entered Eid, I carried three memories with me – the 17 blissful days of fasting and praying, the stupendous generosity of my fellow Muslims, and the knowledge that intention was the most important foundation. Yes, I did fail sometimes to control my nafs (ego), sometimes getting into arguments with others, and I did fail to do as much prayer and thikr as I could have (astaghfirullah), but for a first Ramadaan, it wasn’t so bad at all.

I spent my first Eid at home with my parents, visiting the first Muslim friends I made. Still weak with sinus trouble – as spring approaches down here in SA, it means hayfever and sinus time! – it was a very quiet Eid, but blessed all the same. Wearing my best dress; midnight blue, with a lot of silver embroidery down the front and sides, and a white khimar (or as we locally call it – a burkha) with lace edging, reaching to my wrists, I visited my mualimah and family, having lunch with them. That evening I had supper with another good friend and her family.

I hope that whoever celebrated their first Ramadaan and Eid this year 2011/1432, had a blessed time too! May Allah SWT increase us all in our Imaan and Taqwa, and may we never forget those wonderful lessons we learned in Ramadaan. Just because it is over doesn’t mean we can return to our former life. No, it is yet another step higher on the ladder to Jannah. May the blessings of this Ramadaan last us until the next, insha’Allah, ameen.