One Year a Muslim - and no more Niqaab!

I have been unable to post for a while, due to finding myself stranded without a computer, but at last I am back at it again - sitting in the public library! So much has happened that I feel quite like saying, "Pleeeease ignore my previous post!" Why? I have developed an intense aversion to the niqaab. Call me not yet ready, or succumbing to the waswas of the shaytaan, but I have gone off it.

But before I proceed to explain, I would like to share my significant milestone - I have been a Muslim for just over a year now. It has been quite a wonderful experience; I have grown so much in one year - not only spiritually, and intellectually, but in independence as well.

I remember reading somewhere that the first year of a revert is the hardest, but I don't agree. Perhaps it can be - I know myself how much struggles it took for me to adjust - and the family too! But the excitement of it all gave me strength to carry on.

Now, as I enter my second year of Muslim life, I find myself facing spiritual dryness - salaah has become a part of my life; the novelty long worn off. I have left home, escaping the isolation I felt, and found myself surrounded by Muslims, mosques, and madrassahs. It is not that I am taking all the Islamic surrounds for granted - but that I am constantly in it. Returning from classes, I just want to switch off and relax, read other books, do other things - as long as they are halaal!

I was starving - now I am over-satiated. The pendulum has swung to the other side.

I feel faced with a new challenge - not that of adjusting to Islamic life or facing disappointed family members - but that of persevering in my new life. The "honeymoon" is over; the time for integration has begun. The time to bring both worlds together. After all, Islam is a way of life; there is no church/state separation. Perhaps as a former Christian, I have to let go that mentality I had; that religion is not compatible with the world. Dunya and Deen are incompatible, but not when one remembers Allah SWT above all things one does. I can read about cats, or do a crossword, or work in my new weekend job as a shop assistant in a fabric shop, or go shopping downtown - all whilst remembering Allah. Alhamdulillah!

Back to my change of mind and heart about niqaab... It all started when I felt this sense of reality: my life has changed for good and I have to adjust myself. Naturally, I began to feel depressed at times, and pined for my loved ones back home.

Then one day, it all came to a strange head - one of my sisters - a full-time niqaabi - remarked offhand that she wishes that America would get bombed - not only the guilty, but the innocent - ALL of them. I knew she was joking, but something snapped in me. I did NOT want to be one of those extremists! Suddenly the niqaab became a symbol for me of this, even though I knew it was not. Even more - I wanted to be able to smile at people again. I was tired of serving ladies behind the haberdashery counter, and being unable to smile at them. I longed to be able to relate to non-Muslims (which would also help Da'wah in some ways, too); to still wear my long veils, but show my face once more; to be moderate. Now, I wear niqaab to class only. It was something I tried, appreciated, and could leave aside again.

Perhaps it was all that I needed - a little adventure. :-)

Anyway, I have to go now, as the library only permits a specific time to use the computer. I have another fascinating topic to share, but will leave it for next time, inshallah.

Salaam
Saadiqah
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