Just thought I would share some thoughts on faith… I hope I do not trespass any bounds in offending anyone. What I write is what I have personally discovered, and I found such joy in the process!
When I had just embraced Islam, I was naturally very nervous to tell my Christian loved ones – especially those with whom I intimately shared my spiritual life. One of these people closely involved in my life as a Catholic, was my former parish priest. I had been in parish ministry as a sacristan, so worked with him a lot, as well as asking him for guidance from time to time when I was looking at various convents to try out. It was a challenging, but beneficial time of growth, as we had very different views on things.
When I returned from the last convent a month before my reversion, I returned to ministry in the parish, but it was soon clear that I needed time away from this to think about my life. So I planned to inform my priest that I was going to give up my sacristan work for a while. For a week or two I was mulling over this in my head, until one day at Sunday Mass.
Two weeks later, my (now former) priest emailed me, and I knew that it was now or never – I had to tell him I was Muslim. It was so difficult due to the close spiritual ties, but he accepted it and we parted amicably. Nevertheless, there was one statement he made that got me really thinking. It is this I would like to reflect on. He said the following…
“Feelings, emotions, enthusiasms etc appear to dominate your life. A person of your considerable intellectual ability will never be satisfied with the Gospel of Jesus unless you are intellectually convinced of its claims.”
This really got me thinking – because it helped to clarify something I was struggling to put into perspective – how I see my faith… I had to ask myself: was I really intellectually convinced of the Gospel’s claims? Or was it merely due to being raised in the church and being used to believing it?
Looking back, I realised there were several facets to one’s own religious or spiritual life –
- the intellectual (doctrine),
- the emotional (worship life), and
- the practice (living its laws in daily life).
In other words, the mind, heart, body.
Not only that, but also these three facets lived as a community –
- continuity of doctrine,
- unity of worship, and
- a moral code for society.
This would give a sense of belonging in a community, as one couldn’t live one’s faith in isolation. If even one of these facets was lacking individually or in community, one’s spiritual life would suffer in some or other way. How could one practice something one doesn’t mentally affirm – or believe something and not practise it? And how could one maintain one’s faith and practice, if there was nobody to share it and receive support from?
I grew up with a charismatic brand of Pentecostal Christianity, where emotional experience was emphasised. Doctrine was not very important – all that was important was your faith that Jesus (pbuh) died to atone for your sins and was your “Personal Saviour”. There was very little regard for tradition and rituals – it was a very personal, individualistic religion. Nor were there any specific laws practised in one’s daily life – the Bible was left for individual interpretation. I was not satisfied with mere feelings of faith; I needed structure, unity of belief with others, conviction and continuity of faith, and a moral code.
This is one of the main reasons why I was drawn to Catholicism. It seemed a more visible faith, with all its religious symbols and rituals, and doctrines set out in black-and-white in the Catechism. However, being a Catholic, I was eventually faced with a sense of not belonging. I had no problem adhering to Catholic doctrine and the rituals expressing them, and loved the emphasis on its importance. But I felt like a misfit, and soon found that although it was a joy to be Catholic when I was on my own, I couldn’t identify with other Catholics in daily life. The church doctrine was said to be too idealistic and not many remained true to its implementation in practice. One of the values dearest to my heart is modesty, yet virtually no emphasis was placed on its importance – and so it went on…
I looked to Islam and saw what I yearned for: both visible in devotion and moral practice. It was inevitable I needed to leave the church – but what about the Christian doctrine which I had never questioned before? Emotionally and morally, my heart was won to Islam, but I needed to satisfy my intellect as well – for it was from the faith accepted by the mind, that faith expressed in emotions and practice would follow. One cannot be moved in emotions if there is no thoughts which brings that motion. What one thinks results in what one feels – and what one feels results in what one does.
It could seem at this point that my attraction to Islam was an emotional thing, and this is what my former priest feared when he wrote the above statement. I have always been prone to being indecisive, and for this reason, I wanted a faith which was more intellectual so I could not deny it, even when I was emotionally moved in other directions. I knew I couldn’t trust my emotions - even though they had a place in religion and spirituality, they could not make the final decision as to what the Truth is.
I realised that my Christian faith was more an feelings-based thing than intellectual. It was not so much reason that convinced me of it, as it was the feeling of familiarity. As I grew up in it, naturally I accepted it without truly questioning it, and was comfortable with it. Christian faith was not always within reason, e.g. the Trinity, the Incarnation, why God would have to kill His “son”, and the Catholic belief that the Eucharist is actually Jesus’ body and blood. Reason and logic were just not regarded as important…
When I encountered the beliefs of Islam, I was pleasantly surprised that they strongly resonated with logic. Everyone wants to worship a God Who is beyond human weakness and Who doesn’t need intermediaries to exercise His Mercy – don’t they? If given a choice, nobody would want to believe that they are condemned because of Adam and Eve’s sin, but rather their own; nor would anyone want to believe that God has to crucify Jesus because of His mercy if it was clear that God, the All-Powerful, can forgive us without any help from intermediaries.
In Islam, reason is much more stronger; doctrine is clear and intellectually very convincing and logical. Not only that, but every individual is encouraged to seek the truth, not to just swallow any articles of faith without questioning their logic. Emotions were also given a place, but were not allowed to influence the believer to a degree that they trespass the bounds of belief – and practice was clearly put in black and white in the Shari’ah for implementation in daily life. Everyone knew what was expected of them to believe and do, and they worshipped in the same way as well. As far as community went, the doctrines, worship and practices were virtually the same througout the world. It was universal.
In order for the Truth to prevail, it has to be undeniable by people’s God-given reason, and it also has to impact every faculty of a human being. I am far more intellectually convinced of the claims of the Qur’an (as time has proven its fruits are amazing; it is a sheer miracle and uncorrupted) – than with the claims of four Gospels sometimes contradicting each other, which were chosen out of a mix of other Gospels to be placed in the Canon of Scripture. I have come to believe one has to follow one’s head before one’s heart; to follow one’s heart one has to first follow one’s reason. Intellect is more stable than emotion, and practice more convincing than belief alone. Islam satisfies the intellect, without neglecting emotion; and has shown itself to be clear in what is expected of us. For this reason, it has convinced me that it is not to be denied.
Each person needs to make his/her own journey of faith; it is important to know what we believe and not just accept the status quo. If one earnestly seeks Truth and prays to God for guidance, they will never go wrong.
I wish you well, fellow seeker...
Salaam
Saadiqah
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