After all the recent intellectually stimulating posts, I am in the mood to write on a lighter note and reminisce back to that evening when I became Muslim… When I remember the events of that day – and those leading to it – I feel like smiling as it was quite amusing, and also because it was a moment that changed my life for good.
I remember being told the following, which I pass on to you: when you feel down and out with all the trials and jihads in your life (whether in your faith or your marriage or career or anything serious you committed yourself to) – and those trials will inevitably come – just recall the joy of that blessed day where it all began. This may just help and encourage you to persevere when things get hard.
I go on about all my trials on this blog, like the dog hair all over the place, or the utensils issue, etc. But then I read of those reverts who were kicked out of their house or disowned – or those who had their rooms invaded and their Holy Qur’an and other books, and clothes taken from them or damaged. To those who fit into this category, I salute you for standing strong; my trials are nothing compared to yours. I may have dog najis threatening to trespass beyond my door, and some relatives who are sad about my reversion, but at least I still have freedom to pray salaah in my room and live under the same roof as my non-Muslim loved ones. Nevertheless, any trial is hard to some degree. Alhamdulillah, there is great comfort in knowing that Allah SWT has it all under His control and intends to use us for His glory…
So… how was that “blessed day where it all began” for all you reverts out there? (This is something I looooove to do – to read about other reverts and how they crossed the threshold of Islam. It gets me SO excited for them and encourages me, too! It took me reading over 15 or more reversion stories to gather the strength to enter our beautiful Deen.) In my own story, I have not gone into too much detail about the actual day I reverted, just that it was in a parking lot and that I almost got into trouble with my parents on return! J Want to know more? Then read on…
When I knew that there was no turning back for me, I made a plan. I mean… why wait? What if I died before I said my Shahada? It was Saturday the 19th February 2011, and I had just been convinced after reading Khalid Baig’s article “The Miracle of the Qur’an.” That past week was one of intensive research. On the day before, a Friday, I had visited the sewing and material shop I frequent often, for several reasons, but especially as the only Muslims I knew worked there. I burned to know more…
I spoke to a sister who worked there about my love for Islam. I remember I was so excited and shy as well! When I told her I had already found a name I liked, she said “Masha’Allah!” I recall how she asked if I am Muslim already, and I said, no, but I want to learn more about Islam. She gave me her sister’s number, and said that she knows a teacher who could help me. I had not yet made the decision to revert – except with my heart…
Then she and I spoke to the shop manager who was to be one of the witnesses at my Shahada. As I went home that Friday, my heart soared with joy. That night I phoned the lady’s sister (who was to become a very good friend of mine) and she said she would speak to the teacher. Meanwhile, I was determined to research as much as I needed, to finally say: “Yes, I believe! Write me down among the witnesses!” and, alhamdulillah, the next day that moment came.
That weekend was a very tense one, as I hugged this delicious and exciting secret to myself. It was the last weekend I went to church, and my emotions were on a rollercoaster. I felt a sense of urgency, as I knew I couldn’t turn back, yet I also felt so scared, too! Being impatient to wait for my soon-to-be-friend to get back to me before I could say the Shahada, I phoned the manager at the shop on Monday afternoon, and asked him if he and someone else at the shop would be a witness. (As I understood it, I had to have at least two Muslims to witness my Shahada.) He agreed, and I dropped in at the shop soon after. I told my mom, whom I had gone out somewhere with, that I needed to pop in to “ask something – and it couldn’t be done over the phone!” J
When I got there, I was told by the man that his wife wanted to explain some things to me first, so they would come the first evening that they could, to meet me at the shops near my home. This was due to me not being able to drive, and I wanted to go without my parents taking me. It was a little disappointing to have to wait. When I got home, I found out from my dad that the man had tried to phone me to tell me this, but I had left already. Allah SWT was wisely testing me in my patience, and in my ability to trust Him to work things out…
That evening was a loooong one, as they were not able to make it, but the next morning I received a phone call from the man’s wife, who also became a good friend of mine. It was Tuesday the 22nd February; the 18th Rabi-ul-Awwal 1432; the blessed day at last! I was to meet them that evening at the shops, insha’Allah. It was late summer, and the day was sunny and fine, so it would be a nice walk. She told me to make a ghusl (full ablution) with intention to prepare for embracing Islam, which I did. I was glad I had to wait, so I could perform this special and meaningful sunnah first.
As the sun sank lower on the horizon, my heart rose higher and higher until it was almost in my throat. I was like a cat on hot bricks, mulling over and over in my mind how I would explain to my mom that I was going out, without her asking questions. After all, I was not in the habit of walking to the shops a lot, and now I wanted to – at 7pm in the evening! It would seem a little strange, and I didn’t want to lie to my mom…
7 pm came – and with it the adrenaline rush. I cannot explain in words how excited I was! A whole new life was dawning with the setting of the sun. In the end, I told Mom nervously that I was “going for a walk to the shops,” but I think she only heard the first part. So I walked to the shops, hoping that they would be there. I didn’t have long to wait until I saw their car pull into the parking lot, and climbed into it. My soon-to-be brother and sister in Islam greeted me; they had their cute little baby son with them. Then they chatted about various things I needed to know to begin life as a Muslim, made sure I believed the essentials of Imaan, and gave me some books. Time passed quickly, and the sun set at last. It was about 7:30pm, and I was getting really nervous as I was wondering what my mom was thinking: “Where is my daughter; why is she taking so long? Is she ok?”
At last – in the parking lot in front of the laundromat and hairdresser shop! J - the sister asked me to repeat the Kalimah Tayyibah after her…
“La Illaha”
“La Illaha”
“Illallah”
“Illallalala… (nervous giggle) I’m getting so tongue-tied!”
“Illallah”
“Illallah”
“Muhammadur”
“Muhammadur”
“Rasoolullah”
“Rasoolullah”
“Congratulations! You are a Muslim now!” Then she hugged me, leaning over from the front seat. Ahhhh, I was so happy… I felt so new and clean! What a WONDERFUL moment it was!
After this, they dropped me off at home. It was time to face my parents. And they were not happy, as I took so long that it was getting dark.
“Where have you been? We got so worried!”
All I could do was apologise profusely for taking so long. I mentioned I met some friends whilst at the shop. It was then that I realised my mom didn’t hear me when I said I was going to the shop, because she thought I was walking around the neighbourhood or something. In the end, I don’t think my mom suspected anything “Islamic” took place, but by now, I was weary of keeping my joy to myself and living two lives. I felt like a liar and hypocrite doing that, and it sapped my strength…
So, another big moment arose. I told my mom about Islam; that I have been very interested in it and am studying it. But I didn’t say yet that I was actually Muslim. I couldn’t bear shocking her further. My dear mom had heard enough to upset her, but in the end, I was calm as I explained a few things about Islam. And from that day forth – particularly when she realised I was actually Muslim – I took extra care to love and honour her and my dad. They gave me my freedom and didn’t kick me out, and this was something I was truly grateful for. For all the struggles I have had at home, they have been so good to me, and I pray Allah SWT will bless them abundantly for this and help them to find peace.
I was surprised, because I expected to weep with joy when I said my shahada, but I was dry-eyed. I didn’t think it had sunk in yet! But that night when I phoned my other friend (the one who would put me into contact with a teacher), and told her I embraced Islam, she wept; her voice shaking with such joy! I was deeply touched, and when I put the phone down, it was then that my first tears fell.
Yes, I had begun a new life. Subhan’Allah, I came home at last.
Salaam
Saadiqah
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