One of the bigger challenges in becoming Muslim, was to learn to use separate utensils in a non-Muslim home. More difficult than the action itself, was trying to understand why it was necessary even after washing the item the necessary amount of time – and even more harder than that, was explaining to non-Muslim loved ones why, when you yourself were still learning exactly why!
In the first three months, I was very awkward about the whole thing. Shortly after I confessed my new Faith, one of my new friends (also a revert) showed the immense spirit of Islamic generosity and brotherhood – or in this case, sisterhood! – by providing me with some things I needed. She offered to give me a pot, pan, two plates, a cutting knife and board, dishrack and two cloths – and even some food! I was overwhelmed with the magnanimity; the first thing that went through my mind was: “Won’t you need it, dear sister? Are you sure I can take it?” After all, I was raised to pay back in return, those who gave things to me. Wow, I felt so amazed… I was also a little embarrassed as to what my parents would think of me bringing these things into the house where there were enough pots and plates I could use! So I half-smuggled them into my room and put them into my wardrobe. Then I began thinking: “Now what? How do I start explaining???”
Two or three months later, they were still lying there… (Please, fellow reverts, do NOT follow my example! I was way too cowardly!! J) Anyway, I continued in the way I was as a non-Muslim, except I did not eat haraam foods at all (I do confess, I did sometimes eat doubtful food, though!). I tried my best to wash each item (which I was doubtful about) seven times under the trickle from the tap, especially if I saw pork was put on it – or the dog’s tongue…
In the end, I became frustrated; it was too much when there was an easier alternative. Nabi Muhammad (SAW) would have told me if he saw me: “If there are two alternatives, and they are both lawful, take the easiest one. Don’t make life so complicated for yourself, my sister!” Yes, I needed to be brave – especially now that I was three months into Islam with a stronger-than-before imaan, and having found out from researching Shafi’i fiqh that it is makrooh (disliked) to use utensils previously holding pork or alcohol or dog najas – even after washing. Then I asked my moulana about it and he agreed. I had to take action, as I was getting frustrated and longed to practise Islam better…
I found myself home alone one morning, and so I went to the kitchen and planned where I would store my things. Our kitchen is terribly small – if there are even two people in there, we would need to choreograph our movements to not get on each other’s nerves! J Once that was done, I brought out the utensils from my cupboard and gave them a good wash. I returned the pot, pan, knife and cloths to my room to store there, and placed the plates into the kitchen cupboard. Then I took a knife, fork, spoon, teaspoon and bowl from the kitchen drawer, washed them seven times with a “Bismillah” and put them with my plates. I would have to use them for now until I bought my own. (I had already bought my own two cups and saucers a long time ago, and didn’t feel the need to replace them as I was usually the only person drinking out of them.)
The first time I told my mother that I would use separate utensils, it was hard, because she thought Islam was excessive in its requirements. “They’re going overboard!” So I did what my moulana advised and told her about the badness of pork and dog saliva after researching it online. She was silent; I hoped she would consider it and accept my explanation. The hardest was when I brought my pot out several days later and lightheartedly said I want to “try it out”. My mom felt hurt, because she knew why I used it, and I was pained by that. I reiterated that it was not because of her, but the pork, wine and dog. It was hard for her to take this in. I hoped that in time it wouldn’t be such a difficult thing for her…
With the pot, plates, cups and cutting knife taken care of, I began buying some more things when I could scrape some cash together. A lovely bowl, a wooden spoon for stirring and mixing, and two small glass casseroles to store leftovers in. I was so blessed when my mom even lent me money to buy one! With that, I felt that things would get better over time, insha’Allah…
Of course, with the dog around, and all her hairs everywhere, sticking mercilessly to the clothing, I had to take another step further and do all my laundry separately, too. (Now that it is winter here in Cape Town, SA, this requires careful planning as it is cold and often rainy; I would need to do the laundry early on a sunny day and let it hang all day on the line, shifting the clothing with the feeble rays of the moving sun – without the “spin dry” feature in the washing machine, the clothes were more wet.) I had also bought a hand towel for my own use when doing wudhu. Fortunately, Allah (SWT) had prepared me for Islam – I had been in the habit of doing half of my laundry items by hand, and when I was in the convent, I had washed everything by hand except the bedding. So it was not hard to adjust – and I looooove doing laundry!
One day, Mom saw me doing all my laundry, and was a little distressed that I was giving myself so much work. I said to ther that I love it, so she needn’t worry… I felt touched that even though my mom didn’t understand the why’s, she was so motherly in her concern. I realised she was just doing her job, so I tried to figure out how I could let her be “mother” to me in other ways, as it was her right. For this reason, I accept her concern for me, and try to serve her and care for her even more than before.
Another jihad with hidden blessings, alhamdulillah!
Fellow reverts, if you struggle with this utensil issue in your home (those of you who live with non-Muslims, that is) I would say: take it one step at a time. Grow into your new life gradually. First increase your imaan, by much reading and study as possible, so if you are confronted you can stand strong. Then take gentle action and find ways to show love to your family in other ways. Life will carry on after each storm, and I am sure it will be a wonderful adventure each time!
Salaam
Saadiqah
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